Eleanor Roosevelt was wrong. Absence does not make the heart grow fonder. Memories blur with time and the sentimental staying power of photographs is vastly overrated. Basically, it sucks when someone we love departs, dissapears, or simply cuts us out of their lives. It leaves a gaping hole that is all the more painful when you realize the inevitable: life will go on. But the going on will change. You will no longer feel the excitement of a dinner date, the intimacy of a late-night walk, or merely the good company of an afternoon grocery run. Not with that old friend anyway. There may be the occasion phone call, or if you're really diligent a letter or email, but your relationship will be forever changed. I should add here (before my inner defeatist takes over) that I do think it's possible to have a healthy, fulfilling long-distance friendship, but it takes a lot of work. I'm writing this because I've got old friends (and one recently departed friend) on my mind. Eddie left for California early Monday morning and I haven't heard from him since. I'm sure he's taking time to turn his situation over in his mind, but all my psyche registers is nothingness. All that remains here of his being and personality is a vacancy, an empty room waiting to be filled.
I have yet to deal with the grief that accompanies the death of a loved one. I have, however, felt grief. Mostly my grieving manifests in the form of regret. I regret pushing so and so away, I regret treating him or her like that. As I get older and progress into my mid-twenties, friendship is becoming an increasingly important part of my life. With no spouse or 'partner' to help me carry my emotional, physical, and financial burdens, my reliance falls mostly upon a tighnit circle of people I have come to love and trust as my own family. I don't mean to sound overly sentimental, rather I find this to be a relevant issue for the new generation. I am a vocal proponent of communal/alternative living arrangements. As young people make the decision to hold off on marriage and dedicate themselves to a career or alternative life path, I think the existence of a support system is imperative. A family is not made up of one man and one woman, two children and a dog, but of people who encourage each other to fulfill their potential. Needless to say, it's a difficult loss. We miss you Eddie.
Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend. -Albert Camus
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
thats really sad :(
ReplyDeleteps: from mom
what a weird mix of emotions it's coming back to CA. My departure has not had the same sense of absence as yours becuase I was in the car just driving, lost in audiobooks. We talked about the danger of being alone with ones thoughts for extended periods. Appearently I have developed a knack for shutting off all thoughts while driving. I concentrate on driving, i lose myself in the drone of my narrated novel (In Cold Blood was fantastic, we should discuss sometime).
ReplyDeleteIn addition I wasn't really expecting anyone to be in the car with me. My trips are usually alone. This in contrast with you in a place were the major difference was my absence. We spent some 6 nights out of the week together. Now I'm gone. That's a hard transition.
I have to say now that I've stepped out of that time time altered state of interstate travel I do notice the absentce. A little part of me says "Hey you haven't heard from Ryan, you should give him a call." It's the time that I would normally have heard from you.\
I'm glad you wrote something. It's nice to know that I'm missed. It was very hard to leave. The sharp pain of it the irrational screaming voice that screamed repeatedly to stay, stay, stay was of course the love for my son. My friends, though and especially you, Ryan, was the approach the rational mind used. It said "you can be happy here. You have found happiness in the people you spend time with. \
Friends are what life is all about and there is a wonderful uniqueness to everyone in our group. There is love and there is art. There is life.
For these reasons and for Soren the thought of returning in the spring has occured to me.
I need to go to school though and who knows where all you crazy kids will end up.
ps.
hey if you're going to check out my LJ you should make an account and friend me so you can see the juicy stuff.